


never let me go

by lostmemoria



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Hallucinations, Happy ending I guess?, and if that's lydia in the car with jordan in the promo, mild mention of trauma, mostly canon compliant, my take on 5x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4481039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmemoria/pseuds/lostmemoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He blinks, and just when he feels her warm breath hit his lips—he smells it. The odor of burnt flesh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never let me go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whisperedwords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisperedwords/gifts).



> inspired by this [headcanon](http://grantgustin.tk/post/125232650739)
> 
> If you don't know what I mean by the car scene, Ryan talks about in an interview that there's apparently a marrish scene where they're sitting in a car and she's holding his hand. And so I used that + the scene we got in the 5x07 promo + the headcanon above and wrote this :) Hope you like it!

“You know this is illegal in like ten different ways?”

Lydia smirks as she takes the medical file of Lorraine Martin from his hands before glancing up to meet his gaze. Moonlight streams in through the open window of his car and illuminates on her, making her glow and Jordan can’t take his eyes off her even if he wanted to. Her strawberry blonde hair is in an elaborate braid that spills down her shoulder and she’s wearing a bright red dress that he absolutely loves on her.

“If it’s illegal, why’d you do it?” She hums, giving him with a devious look.

He wants to tell her, _because I’d do anything for you_ , but instead he ends up saying, “I might be a law abiding officer but if it means I can help someone, I don’t mind bending a few rules.”

Her smirks softens into a gentle smile. “Thanks.” He watches as she lowers her gaze back to the file, flipping through the pages as a strand of hair goes astray from her braid, falling across her face and his fingers itch to gently move it behind her ear but he doesn’t.

“My grandma was lobotomized,” she says slowly. “They thought she was crazy, that she was just hearing things...No one believed her. Not even her own son, not even my dad.” She takes a deep breath before looking up at him and Jordan sees the brokenness in her eyes. She forces a smile and shakes her head, “just because she was a banshee...Just because she was like me. I was eight when it happened. My mom told me to stay in the car but I didn’t listen. I went inside Eichen and for some reason I knew exactly where to go. I was wearing my favorite red shoes that day, the same shoes my grandma gifted me on my last birthday. And when I saw her, my mom kept telling me to go wait in the car and I remember that there was blood everywhere and I just wouldn’t move. I...felt so helpless. I couldn’t do anything about it.”

She falls quiet then, fiddling with her fingers in her lap and for some reason, he reaches over and gently takes her hand in his. “If you could have been able to do something about it, you would have. But you couldn’t and it’s not your fault,” he tells her softly, his gaze never leaving her eyes. “And I know your grandma wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. She would be proud of you Lydia, proud of the young brilliant woman you’ve become, proud of how you’re starting to get a hold of your powers better.” His thumb strokes across her wrist in a soothing motion, because he knows exactly how she’s feeling. He knows far too well how it feels like to watch someone die in front of you.

Lydia looks at him and smiles slightly, and this time it’s not forced. She doesn’t move her hand away from his. “You always know the right thing so say.” And before he knows it, she’s slipping her hand into his more firmly, letting their fingers intertwine. “How?”

He stares at their joined hands for a second, just appreciating the cool soft touch of her palm against his warm skin and how he never wants her to let go. “I have three sisters, so you kind of figure out what’s the right thing to say when they come to you with boyfriend problems.” He chuckles and Lydia smiles a little wider as she leans closer to him across the dashboard.

“You might know the right thing to say, but you’re pretty bad at taking advantage of the right opportunities _deputy_ ,” she says in a teasing tone and he notices her subtle glance towards his lips.

He knows exactly where this is going.

“Maybe,” he says, and he knows if anyone were to walk by his car on the neighborhood street they’re parked on, they’d probably think that they’re a couple. “Or maybe I’m just waiting for someone else to make the first move.”

He sees the glazed look in her eyes at hearing his words, and the distance between them slowly disappears as they start to lean closer to each other, the space between their lips becoming smaller and smaller with each passing second. His hand moves up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing across her lower lip and he watches as her eyelids flutter close from his gentle touch. He would be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about this moment before, about kissing her. He’s thought about it when he hallucinated her while he was dying, when she’s pressed up against his chest during one of their training sessions—he’s thought about it whenever their fingers brush while studying the bestiary or when their knees touch underneath the table from sitting too close.

And he feels guilty about it every time, except now.

He blinks, and just when he feels her warm breath hit his lips—he smells it. The odor of burnt flesh.

His eyes open immediately and he sees her, but an entirely different version of her. Her face is burnt, her cheeks where his hands touched her charred and coated with ash, and his hands feel hot, too hot. He hears her whisper his name and his gaze is redirected to her lips and he sees how her lower lip where his thumb brushed against it just a few moments before is scorched, a burning red. A stuttered gasp escapes his throat as he pulls back, away from her, his back hitting against the window of the car and sending shocks down his spine.

He did this to her. _He did this._

“Jordan? What’s wrong?” Lydia reaches out for him and her hands are burnt as well, a thick layer of ash and soot covering them and her fingers—they’re stained with blood. Her blood.

“N-No, Lydia, s-stop. Don’t come near me, don’t touch me!” He suddenly shouts, trying to back away from her but there’s no where he can go. “I d-don’t want to hurt you…” And as soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes: he already has. His breathing comes out staggered, his words stumbling, and he feels like he can’t breathe, almost as if someone’s holding his head underwater except instead of the cool feeling of water droplets against his skin, his body feels like it’s on fire.

And it is.

He looks down at himself and he’s naked and on fire. The flames licking up his body just like they were in his dream where he’s carrying the dead bodies to the tree stump and burning them, and that’s when he realizes, what if it isn’t a dream? What if he’s actually doing this?

What if he’s actually a monster?  
  
No, no. _He is a monster._

He tries to open the car door to get out but it’s no use because it won’t budge and his mind isn’t working, isn’t clear, and he can vaguely hear Lydia’s voice in the background. It’s a buzz in the back of his head because the only thing he can hear clearly is the roaring flames around him, the burning fire that he’s become.

“Jordan, you won’t hurt me. Look at me.” Lydia’s suddenly holding his hands now, his burning hands, and he’s terrified. Terrified what he’s capable of doing. What he’s capable of doing to her.

“Y-You don’t know that, Lydia,” he whispers, tears streaming down his face. “You can’t be sure.”

“But I am sure,” she tells him, voice steady as she lets go of his hands and cups his face now so that he’s finally looking at her and instead of seeing the burning image of her, he sees her bright hazel eyes staring into his glowing ones, her red lips, and her cheeks not covered with ash anymore.

He sees _her._

“Because that’s not who you are, Jordan. I know you’ll never hurt me.”

She pulls him into her then arms and he can’t stop crying as he buries his face into her shoulder while she gently cradles him, and he holds her tightly pressed against his body, never wanting to let go. She whispers the same words over and over to him, _you’ll never hurt me_ , and his body starts to feel like it’s not on fire anymore. His hands don’t feel blazing hot as they tangle into her hair that’s free from its braid now, and he can breathe again, his lungs inhaling deeply as he takes in the sweet strawberry scent of hers that he loves so much. And she continues to hold him until he’s run out of tears, until his body stops shaking, until the burning image of her doused in fire and ash stops flashing through his mind.

She holds him, and he feels safe in her arms.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://lydiasdeputy.tumblr.com)


End file.
